It has never been easier to travel to London or Australia, all you need is a valid visa and a plane ticket. Remember going by sea, and spending days on a few hours trip? No you do not and neither do I.
I am one of the many super achieving Naija babes, I graduated top of my Masters class with a distinction. I want to succeed you know, achieve purpose, upset the norm, build a legacy of sorts and anything else that would make this one life journey meaningful.
These strong desires have been a blessing and a burden sometimes. When, I meet a guy, the first thing I do is to gauge his focus. It used to be easy in my undergraduate days, I did not care much. Everyone was experimenting, testing the waters, learning to do the things our parents warned us against. Remember your first sexual experience anyone? Or those butterfly feelings for a cute guy you just met?
I survived university and managed to keep my pants in check because the books were more important at the time. Work, second degree and a few men in between, I was ready for the ultimate relationship. A man to call my own for all eternity (poetic? I know).
Is it just me or once you graduate university everyone starts saying they cannot wait to come and eat your rice? The pressure was on; this babe had to get a man to be deemed responsible in the eye of the public and facebook of course.
Uploading wedding pictures on facebook and one million comments telling me just how good we look together was an ongoing fantasy. The “voices in my head” kept” urging me to find this special being soon. I started praying seriously because the laws of the jungle do not permit me to do much else. The man comes to me not the other way round.
I met him two years ago in England,It was the perfect meeting; he literally swept me off my feet with his words and before bingo barked twice, I was in love with this hunk of a man. I started experiencing all the things “Cinderella” felt for her prince I know it sounds a bit silly but at the time, I did all my chores happily even singing songs whilst I cooked and cleaned. He would sit on the sofa watching his favourite premiership side play football and I will stand in the kitchen like my mother taught me cooking his favourite meals. We were one happy couple according to facebook, family, friends and whoever else cared about our romance.
I gradually started becoming an irritant of sorts to single people. I would harp on all the good qualities of my man and my friends started finding me a bit boring. He swung into action and told me to stop talking to my single friends. I was made to believe over time that they were jealous and as such could not be trusted. Immediately, I dumped them and focused on my walking Adonis who in my eyes could do no wrong.
Two years of love, endless quarrels and repetitive sex, he did not see the need for me to have one single orgasm, we decided to get married. I know, someone is probably curious about the sex, but at the time I managed to convince myself that sex was not that important.
We stopped having it because it’s a “sin” anyway and I hoped that after marriage when we start again, orgasm will visit me.
He proposed to me last year’s valentine’s day in Paris, I paid for the trip as a birthday surprise for him. He asked me to marry him in front of our hotel room and I said yes. I posted pictures on my facebook immediately and changed my status to “engaged”.
We did the introduction the next month and hired one of the best wedding planners in Lagos. As I was getting married to the love of my life, I wanted to make sure it was a grand event. I bought my dress and was extremely busy getting all the details right for my special day. My man got a good paying job during this period and was telling me every day that I was his lucky charm. He told eight other babes too, but I did not know at the time. Maybe I noticed a few signs but the euphoria of getting married wiped all my fears.
For a single woman in Naija, the ability to get a man validate or endorse you through marriage is a testimony of your virtues. A 30 year old Mrs. O is perceived to be more responsible when compared to a Miss O.
The argument is, if Miss O were responsible someone would have married her. So, even though I knew that this man and I had a horrible sex life, spent zero kobo taking care of my needs, had secret night phone calls, I was still going to marry him. As long as the girls he talks to are faceless, what should I fear? I thought. Besides I am very attractive too so what gives? How wrong I was to think like this.
Maybe if I had walked away early enough, I might have saved myself, my family and my hard earned money. The humiliation of a failed engagement, facebook boycott, laughter of abandoned friends, mockery… I hit rock bottom and when I did, I hit it hard and fast. I will get to the details later, I will tell you everything. You can criticize, laugh or if I am lucky learn and not make my mistakes. As I am learning even book smarts is so different from relationships, humans sometimes don’t add up.